Have you ever had one of those days, where you found yourself tense, in tears, wondering “why”, but not even really able to describe what was really wrong?
No? Me neither…ok, actually, today was one of those days.
So, let me take some initial responsibility for this day. If I could pick three of the things I failed to do, that make a huge impact on my day, these would be them.
- I didn’t start my day in my usual way; in God’s word
- I went to bed entirely too late last night and woke up entirely too early. (Hence why I didn’t begin with my quiet time, because I was tired-bad excuse)
- I didn’t take my Vitamin D early enough (seriously though, this is HUGE, especially this time of the year!)
With those out of the way, I now look back on the day and can see lots of areas where I “failed”. I mean, FAILED. I over-planned and under-prepared. I took a tired toddler to too many places for a mom who didn’t start the day right. I made a dentist appointment at noon with three kids. I allowed myself to stay in my rut of “annoyance of the day” by calling my mom to tell her all about it, texted my husband about how short naps were, and called one of my best friends knowing she’d give some wisdom. I could go on and on. By the end of the day, I even was crying on the kitchen floor because I ran out of rosemary and thyme and wanted to make a nice meal for a friend. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
Child, Be Still. I use all things to shape you, to prepare you. Even moments like this.
Wake up! As I found myself asking why days had to be so challenging sometimes—Why I couldn’t figure out how to “handle” it—Why I get so frustrated when things aren’t perfect—I started to calm down. (I’ll admit, I prayed a ton, I also took a double dose of Stress Relief Complex and my Vitamin D, oh yeah!)
You see, I listened to a sermon this morning about the power of “pre” (If you download the Elevation Church podcast, you’ll see it. Highly recommend it.) While I can’t even try to share all I felt during this sermon, or all that the pastor shared, I will share one thing.
He uses everything right now, for preparation for what is to come.
That is EXACTLY the answer to my entire “why” list of questions. Why is this so hard? Because He is using this hard season for all the great that is to come! The training may not make sense, but I do believe with my heart of hearts that God has a purpose for each and every one of us. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. And while maybe I can’t wrap my head around His greatness; I can wrap my head around the fact that preparation is followed by provision. And I believe in a God who provides! I’m actually quite excited as I reflect on this day, because as I had some toddler tantrums and mommy tantrums, I was also able to apologize to my children for being short-tempered. I was able to stop and pray alongside a friend who was having a very overwhelming day (while you read this, will you say a prayer for her, too?) I was able to pray for each of my family members and friends. I was able to take a meal to a friend. I was able to warm a stranger’s heart at Chipotle and not even know it.
But the most exciting part to all of this…I was able because HE lives in me! Not because of MY strength, but because He uses me to do His work. And He is using each of these moments to grow me and refine me and prepare me for all he has in store. He doesn’t see my weakness as failures, at all! How do I ever forget that?
Hmm, now the day doesn’t seem so bad. (Remind me of that tomorrow.)
But also remind me to…
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”